


Cracks in a Frozen Heart

by KassandraScarlett



Series: Female Tony Stark Works [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 09:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15045518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: One day, I'll say these words I've thought, but never said.- Something Great, by One Direction.





	Cracks in a Frozen Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I wrote this. But it was inspired by the song Something Great by One Direction. In this, Loki was brought to Earth soon after the Battle of New York, for redemption. Ultron happened, Winter Soldier happened and Civil War happened. Loki was by Toni's side through it all. A year before this fic takes place, he left with Thor and Hulk to obtain information about Thanos.

  Even as he held up the Tesseract to the Titan, even as he quietly reassured his brother, even as the death-grip around his neck was choking the life out of him, there was just one thing on Loki's mind. One face: shining brown hair falling over delicate features, eyes a deep gold that mirrored her armour and a smile that brought him to his knees every time. One name to match that face: _Antonia_.

  He died with her name on his lips, her smile in his eyes and her laughter, mixed with the sound of his name on her tongue, ringing loudly in his ears. He was at peace. He was in Valhalla, by a miracle.

  He should have known that Death would not come so easily for him. He should have known that he would never find peace even after life. A monster would never end up in Valhalla.

 

* * *

 

 

  He woke to find himself on a bed, in a small room with a window looking out to a blue sky. Midgard. Abruptly, he realized what must have happened. Someone had managed to get at least one of the Stones, presumably Time, and used it to bring him back. A small hitched breath caught his attention and he looked to his other side, only to catch his own breath.

  Antonia had been asleep in a chair and was just waking up, blearily focusing on him with a sad smile.

  "About time you woke up," she yawned and reached out to stroke his hair, hovering close above him. "Hey, Lokes," she whispered.

  He fought the urge to pull her down, his fingers twining in her hair, and taste her rose-pink lips. Instead he smiled back. "I don't think I'm dead," he intoned in a deadpan way that invited a reluctant chuckle.

  "You were," she told him. "We managed to get our hands on the Time Stone, brought back the people who were killed before Raisin-Head's finger snap of doom."

  Loki raised an eyebrow, silently asking for everything he'd missed. She filled him in. Half the universe was gone, including quite a few of their heavy-hitters. The original Avengers had all survived, but they'd lost many. Thor was well and had made friends with some form of animal that was the result of failed experiments. He'd even gotten a new weapon. Antonia had been on Titan with another team, which included one of Thanos' adopted daughters, Nebula. Only she and Antonia had returned.

  All the while, he watched Antonia carefully; the emotions flickering across her face as she counted off the ones who were gone. She'd lost someone, he realized. Someone important. Had she found a man, then? She hadn't had a lover when they'd last seen each other, but that was a year ago, before he'd left earth with Thor. She didn't have any obligations to him certainly. They'd never been together. Never touched each other in any way other than the friendly affections Antonia bestowed on everyone. By Odin's beard, she didn't even know that Loki had been at her mercy since she'd welcomed him with forgiveness, a smirk and a reminder of their pending shared drink. The fact that he'd thrown her out of a window at their previous encounter was just " _oh no never mind_ " to her.

  "Who is it?"

  "What?" Antonia startled at the question, confused.

  "Who did you lose?" Loki elaborated, mentally preparing to hear about whoever was better than him by leagues, but, in his eyes, never good enough for Antonia.

  Antonia hesitated with her answer. "Remember Peter?" She asked.

  "The Spider-child?" Loki felt his stomach drop. That was even worse. Peter had been a son to Antonia, had looked up to her. They'd loved each other in the way Loki and Frigga had. Antonia looked close to breaking again and that wouldn't do. That just wouldn't do. "We can bring them back," he said firmly. "The Soul Stone can do it."

  Antonia took a deep breath, with a whispered, "I know," and abruptly switched to the bed, lying down near him. Loki lifted his arm immediately, adjusting so they were curled around each other. It was completely innocent, a mutual way for two touch-hungry people to find comfort in each other. But every molecule, ever fibre of Loki's being wanted this to be more. What irony, that the one person he would fight the Nine Realms all by himself for was in his arms and he couldn't do a thing about it.

  He could tell her, he mused, as she fell asleep again, her fingers clutching the thin cloth of the green shirt he'd been dressed in _(Thor's choice of colour for him, no doubt)_. But, then she'd pull away, not too much, just enough to release his hold, to look him in the eye. She'd smile, sad and uncertain, and apologize, because that's just how she was. She'd tell him how she didn't feel the same, how he wasn't what she wanted or needed, but that she was sure anyone would be lucky to have him and if he so desired, she would leave him alone for a time, let him heal from his hurt.

  He didn't want that. He didn't want the distance or time away from her. And there was no point in hearing the " _I'm sure there is someone for you_ " because that someone was Antonia and he couldn't have her. So better to stay quiet and be happy with the closeness they shared now. Enjoy the peace, before they headed into the final battle with the Mad Titan.

 

* * *

 

 

  "Lokes-"

  "Shut up."

  "Loki, just list-"

  "No!" he snapped. "For once in your life, just shut up." He could feel his magic flickering out, his strength depleted. There was no way he could heal this, even as he steadily held out a hand over Antonia's mangled chest, smeared with blood that was both her's and the fighters she'd taken down, trying to heal it, to knit the skin over, mend the cracked ribs and the broken heart. Maybe that would heal his too. The suit had retreated into her skin, but even that couldn't save her now and his magic had exhausted itself. No. _No_ , he had to try.

  A rough, work-calloused hand covered his own pale, smooth one. "Don't disturb me," he growled. He didn't want to look at her, knew it would break his resolve to stay as stoic as possible, but, he'd never been one to resist temptation. Her eyes were brimming with tears, of pain or grief, he didn't know, but there was a small smile on her blood-stained lips.

  "I need you to listen to me," she implored and he shook his head wanting to at least try ignoring her. "It's going to be easy now, well, _easier_ ," she said. She would know, she'd been the one to cut off the Titan's hand after all. They had the Gauntlet now, they could beat him. "Make sure to make the bastard suffer," she demanded and, in spite of himself, he nodded. "Go to my lab," she went on, quieter. "Give everybody access, your password is still the same and FRIDAY still has your clearance codes. She knows what to do."

  A sob escaped Loki. "Don't leave me," he begged. "I can't deal with my life without you in it, please."

  "Yes, you can and you will," Antonia said sternly. "Find something, someone, worth living for-"

  "That's you!" Loki finally cried. "It's you, you're the one I want." There was a strangled silence, in which Antonia stared up at him, shock and pain filling her eyes. Loki abandoned his magic and gathered her in his arms, pressing they're foreheads together. "I never told you because I was to afraid to lose you," he whispered, hot and fast. "But, everything I've done since Odin stationed me on Midgard with your people was for your approval, for you. I can't stand most of your teammates and tolerate the rest and I would have given up a long time ago, but you kept me grounded. You smiled at me and trusted me when even Thor wouldn't and that was reason enough to stay, to be good."

  "You are, though," Antonia interrupted. "You are good, you just needed to stop being told you aren't. That wasn't-"

  Loki couldn't help it. He cut her off by pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that spoke volumes, spoke of all the things that hadn't been said by him. Antonia tasted of blood and metal and a hint of coconut, but beneath that she tasted of home and all the things he'd grown to love. It only lasted a few seconds, before he was pulling back to look at her beseechingly. "Just tell me if you could have loved me," he asked of her, soft and desperate. "Don't lie, don't spare my feelings, just tell me the truth. If I had told you how I felt, would I have been good enough for you?"

  For ten long seconds, Antonia stared at him. All around him, he could hear the rest of the Avengers gathered around, wanting to step closer, but recognizing the danger that Loki posed if they tried. Only Peter, who'd reappeared with the rest of them as soon as the Gauntlet had snapped, was a few steps closer, on his knees, horror and denial prevailing in his youthful features.

  Then Antonia gasped. "I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry," she whimpered. "I didn't... I should have... I just..."

  "Don't apologize," Loki cut in, harshly. "Just give me a ' _yes_ ' or ' _no_ ' and then we'll get someone who can heal you-"

  "Loki."

  He shut up. Antonia clenched her eyes shut, her hand still gripping his, and sucked in a breath. When she opened her eyes, they were burning a fierce gold, full of determination. She opened her mouth to speak, but then something in her chest cracked further, the sound a thunderclap to the ears of the gods and the enhanced. Antonia's hand went slack and a blankness crept over her eyes like a blanket.

  "Antonia?" Loki called, a silence worse than the one before falling over them. There was a small cry from the Spider-child and Loki broke. A harsh scream escaped him as the wind picked up into a storm, his residual energy reacting to his emotions. Magic, after all, came from the heart.

  Loki pulled Antonia's body closer to his chest. He would never know her answer, he realized. He was going to live the rest of his wretched life wondering what could have been and he cursed the Norns for this, cursed himself for having fallen in love with a mortal, for choosing a path that had brought them together. He'd never said the words to her, either. Hadn't found the courage to put them out there, even though they both had known what he was saying. When his throat was sore from yelling, Loki hid, pressing his face in Antonia's still-scented, messy hair.

  He had died many times before, he knew. But only this instance truly felt like Death.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoyed???
> 
>  
> 
> My Tumblr: bad-days-and-beautiful-nights


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